thought i heard someone tell me that for a woman to “get what she wants out of her marriage, she has to be in control of it”. well i totally disagree on two ideas of the statement.. the “being in control” is a no-no for me.. you don’t marry someone to be in control over with. marriage is the union of two souls.. not the union of a soul to control another soul..(what the?) marriage should be two-way.. if marriage was to have control, then lady, you should have gotten into the first class army so you can control not just one not even two but a batallion. 🙂 neither the man nor the woman should be in control.. i think both should be INTO the marriage rather then be IN CONTROL.. you don’t marry someone and expect them to change to suit your taste and standards. you just don’t. change should be self-initiated, not commanded. because if it was, eventually, old ways will be back which will be much annoying. you inspire them to change rather than holler and expect the change you want the very next minute. that would be stressful. and you see, women thrive on emotions while men thrive on reason. which for me, works perfect together. a woman cries over a sad movie while the man analyzes how and why it happened in the first place. a woman easily reaches out for her purse to give a penny to a beggar while the man reasons that if an old cripple can find a decent living why not that man who has his limbs? emotions vs. reason.. which is why, again, neither should be in control. because if the woman is in control, the relationship will be focused on emotion whilst reason will be neglected and vice versa..
second point, the “get what you want” idea .its a rather selfish idea honestly.. for me, the moment you get married, the ME becomes US, the I becomes WE. . if marrying someone is an excuse to get what you want and where you want to be, then the whole perception of it is wrong. you don’t necessarily get everything you want, that is descriptive of a fairytale. rather, it is achieving things you want for each other, not just for one person. remember the vows you made? for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health etc..? this means that if the “trying to make ends meet” moment comes, both should work it out.. not just the wife making the sacrifice while the husband spends on nightouts with the boys. neither should the husband while wifey splurges on a shopping spree. both should have a share of the “ends” and make them “meet”. in sickness and in health.. this for me doesn’t mean that if one is sick, so should the other be.. no.. this means dropping the evening chatter over wine with the ladies to nurse a husband who hasn’t bathed because of a flu or giving up games night with the boys to go home and fix dinner because the lady of the house is not well. that is marriage for me..
i haven’t been married that long but i abide by three important principles. Communicate, Compromise and Commend. i’m not saying these will work for you but sure does for me 🙂
hope i made sense.. hahaha